Young Adults Living at Home
I would like to have some opinions in regards to young adults living with parent/parents .
My 24 year old still lives with me . He works full time . He feels that he pays his car payment and car insurance and therefore feels he owes nothing for household expenses.
What are some of your thoughts .
Thank you
HGM As Judge Judy would say I don't care what you (he) feel! LOL
You as the parent and homeowner allow your son to live there without contributing to the household expenses. That is a decision that is totally yours. If you want him to contribute then you must insist. Clearly in this god awful economy and absurd housing market it would be very difficult for any young person to venture out and rent or buy. He should realize the luxury of living home and be willing help support the household. His other expenses are his alone and it was his decision to take on. That is not your concern.
In my opinion of course.
Greg My adult son moved in with me several years ago due to his financial and personal difficulties. We agreed right from the start that he would contribute a modest amount per week to help with the increase in the grocery, water, and electric bills. it's a lot less than renting an apartment. He does his own laundry, pays his other personal bills, and helps with lawn care or shoveling snow, etc. Just common concern and caring for his mother. I cook occasionally, but providing meals is not part of our deal. Since I'm up there in years, it's nice to have someone around.
My situation might be very different from yours. I'm retired, living on a fixed income. But to just seems to me that your son should appreciate you helping him out with a place to live and he should be willing to contribute financially. I'm sure you're not going to "rip him off" by overcharging him.
Lonesome Dove Charge him rent… then secretly open a savings account with the money you receive in rent monthly. Then once he does move out give him that money back to him… my 2 cents.
LibertyThinker LT: I like.
I have gone both ways over the years however, if possible, would rather just provide work opportunities to pay off room and board.
In my case, they were there in order to save enough money to move out again, and personally, I was not looking to slow that process for both of us.
Babbit I would tend to agree with LT as long as you can afford it! But I would caution, if he puts up a fuss about it, then still charge him and use the money for you or just say there's the door. It should teach him responsibility and respect for you.
Mr 4Paws At 24 he is an adult and should pay rent. If he feels that is unfair then he can move out and rent an apartment or a room somewhere else. His choice. Either pay you or someone else. Why would he expect free living? Yes cost of housing is expensive, get a roommate.
Sorry, as you can see I have some pretty strong feelings about this. LOL
happycamper happycamper ---- sometimes I like to pay it forward. Like I do this for you, now you do it going forward to the next generation.
Really killed me on college, more kids than my parents, maybe I should have rethought that plan :>) But I got the gift and they did too and now they need to pay it forward. Circle of life.
We call it the curse...... I give you this, and the curse is now you must pay it forward. And we are pretty clear that it's their burden to bear the gift.
In my humble opinion, we as a culture have unrealistic expectations of our young people. It is to the advantage of consumerism for young people to have rent, car payments, car insurance etc. as soon as possible. It is a recipe for debt that may already be huge if there are student loans.
Extended families, (young adults, grandparents, small children) were the norm less than fifty years ago. Now, with the fastest growing population being 65+, many people are finding themselves wondering who will be around to assist them as they age, hopefully in place. This void contributes to the market for expensive assisted living facilities.
Designing a plan that works for your family, with shared responsibilities and clearly defined expectations, can create a strong foundation for family dynamics, and provide much needed time for saving, building credit both financially and professionally, and an opportunity to develop wonderful lifelong relationships with adult offspring.
MAN "Designing a plan that works for your family, with shared responsibilities and clearly defined expectations, can create a strong foundation for family dynamics, and provide much needed time for saving, building credit both financially and professionally, and an opportunity to develop wonderful lifelong relationships with adult offspring."
Incredibly well said, MAN! Thanks for sharing that.
IlloWhy need a public opinion? Either charge rent and be done with it. Or don't and let it go. But that's not up to anyone other than you.
GC That sounds pretty cushy for him. What about electric he uses, internet, food, gas, water, and things you don't think of, like detergent: laundry usage, and SO much more.
I never asked mine for a cent. He just paid me monthly because he felt he worked full time and contributed. I didn't have to ask. You do have to ask. It's only fair, or he can move out and find out how much rent alone is without all the other things. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out great for both of you.
I want to thank everyone for taking the time to give me their thoughts on this.
It truly has been helpful
Grateful I was just discussing this yesterday with a friend of mine. She has two sons 23 & 25 still living at home. They work full time and contribute nothing. She’s very upset, the worst is the food bill. Her and her husband also work full time. My advice to her was for the 4 of them to sit down (with all the house bills) and have a discussion how these bills are going to be paid (including food) Then discuss what their contribution is going to be. Period. If that doesn’t work become their landlord and draw up a contract. I told her as their parents it’s their job to teach their children life responsibilities. It may sound harsh to some, but these are grown adults who need to learn how to be responsible for themselves and at the same time honor their parents.
Auntiel When my 27 year old son lived with me 20 years ago, he gave me $400 a month. I believe the rent at the time was about $925. I paid everything else, but didn't mind because he didn't make a lot. I would have had to pay heat, cable and electric, anyway. Maybe I was too soft, but I've always been that way with my kids because I don't feel that they took advantage. My parents gave me nothing, which was very hard for me. I somehow made it, though.
Joyce I had a Greek-American college buddy who wasn't ALLOWED to move out of his parents' house until he got married at the decree of his mother... I think he was 32 when that happened, lol.
ianimal 
Josh It puzzles me why folks like Josh and GC feel compelled to post negativity about sharing opinions and ideas on this forum. After all, it is a forum, which by definition is a place for sharing and collaborating.
Sack- your video is (redacted)... 99.9% of kids are not going to make anywhere near 220k a year... and regardless of price- that example shows nothing about self sufficiency.
What that shows is simply a well established cultural emphasis (for them) on money as a value.
If anything that should be seen as sad...and not something to strive towards.
MAN-
What are you talking about?
Facts are facts... whether positive or negative.
Your opinion or feelings don't change facts.
No matter the topic or situation.
SO-
For this scenario- just like there are records- across several different cultures for thousands of years about the young kids...how they act / behave... there is also the perpetual truth that the cost of living / supporting themselves continues to rise.
The 'OMG it is soo hard now, they can't do it on their own'.. is complete horseshit.
It's been hard since day 1...
Once survival stopped being build a shelter, find water, hunt for food... paying for those things became EARN YOUR KEEP...
Doesn't mean it is easy.. doesn't mean it is fun.. but it is REALITY.
Everyone NOW is still better off than a caveman.
Nobody OWES any of us ANYTHING.
Sure modern society has changed... but if you don't like it- there is literally still plenty of woods for someone to go build a shelter, hunt for fish / game- have fun with that.
Don't like to rough it?
Suck it up buttercup.. because then you need to conform to society and play their game.
There are over 8 billion people in this world. Nobody owes ANY of us anything.
You want something- what is your worth?
That single sentence should be understood and gospel for everyone.
Early trade (money) was to give something to someone that they wanted in return for something you agreed was worth the trade.
These days people don't understand ANYTHING I just said... they think they all deserve something for nothing... or that the 'work' they do...is worth more than it really is.. they want more than the reality that any other of hundreds of thousands..wait.. no millions.. no.. billions.. can do the same...so free market.
Want more pay... more worth? Make yourself more valuable to an employer... to society in some manner.
Hate that thought?
You are thinking emotional- not logical- go back to the woods and see how you survive.
A man is lucky to live to 75...lost productivity well before that...already losing physical ability to do hard work by 50 if not earlier.
Why would anyone with a brain think it is normal for a man to live in their childhood bedroom at 25.... or earlier...
You want them to get out in the real world, their first self reliance EARLIER not later...
Nobody these days understands / accepts self responsibility / reliance. They want handouts / coddling / mommy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwqxdCGCDE8
Josh is a grown man and he lives at home :-).
Seriously; I am one generation off the boat; my grandparents had all sorts of family at home. Kids, grandkids w/o parents, my uncle built his house in the back yard. And before you yell trailer trash, it was the Main Line and not unusual. When my grandmother died, they kept the back yard house and sold the front for big bucks being the Main Line.
My uncle lived it the attic above my grandparents in a room made by my father and mother. His brother, a bachelor, lived his entire life in that row house. The uncle was told he could move downstairs when my grandmother passed, but he like tge attic.
I guess I have little issue with mixed families but some issue with people judging these things. I am aleays glad to have kids back and cherish any quality time we get.
Josh is a grown man that lives in his own home...
Josh was a grown man that moved out and lived in an apartment, self sufficient- before he was 23.
Josh has always worked hard... pays all his bills...never owes a cent on his credit cards- paid in full each month.
Josh never asked anyone for anything.
Dropped out of high school, didn't go to college, enlisted in the U.S. Army as a combat medic and while there earned his nationally registered EMT.
Both before and after Josh went in the Army- he worked 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am, 6am, etc... at UPS in Mount Olive... moving the boxes, loading the trucks.
The before time he worked a day job as well as the UPS at night to pay rent for his apartment.
After the Army he worked the ass crack at UPS and went to Chubb for computer classes during the day. Would fall asleep driving home from UPS..just to shower- drive to class.... get out of class...drive home.. sleep for 3-4 hours to get up and drive back to UPS and repeat.
Josh started and owns his own business which is now approaching 20 years.
Josh thinks people expect too much while doing too little.
Keep on coddling...keep on voting for pandering handouts.. keep on calling 'debt forgiveness' - keep buying more than you can afford... monthly payments wasting $ on % interest...
You are doing great society... everyone should be proud of you as you drag down the rest of us. ;P
Lunch lady "After the Army he worked the ass crack at UPS and went to Chubb for computer classes during the day. Would fall asleep driving home from UPS..just to shower- drive to class.... get out of class...drive home.. sleep for 3-4 hours to get up and drive back to UPS and repeat."
Do you genuinely think this is how things should be?
We are all one culture Happiest Girl. We are all Americans. Unless you are first generation there is zero excuse not at assimilate and become a cultural representative of the country you live in.
I worked with a first generation Chinese woman who moved here at age 20. She and her husband had two daughters and by the time they were 18 they went to MIT and Harvard, were proficient snowboarders and listened to rap and pop music. They were as American as American gets. In my opinion, that’s how it should be.
Assimilate? To what? America is a melting pot, and a country which stands for freedom.
I don’t have to listen to rap and pop music to qualify as an American.
And if someone lives with their parents or grandparents that does not mean they are not an American.
If you keep feeding a stray dog they will keep hanging around,Both my daughters are on their own.One is a nurse and one is a doctor.This is still America!ITell these kids to get off the video games and get the hell out of the basement.
Boomer 50 "Do you genuinely think this is how things should be?"
To do what is needed to accomplish a goal?
To work hard?
To move forward in life?
Which part do you have a problem with?
If you mean my specific path... no. There are all sorts of paths...opportunities.
Yeah, knew that post don’t hunt……
Was responding to Josh how many a silver spoon has done well; some even really nice.
I don’t think having to do it all yourself without a helping hand is a better judge of character, happiness, or success —especially success. I was re-watching Love Actually last night, tis the season, and Natalie moves back in after a boyfriend breakup and notes it’s a good thing. It can be. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But I have loved having my kids back when needed for some extra quality time. But if they get pouty about it, that’s a different story.
And pay their way; I take it in hours of housework for the win win.
Leave a Reply
To comment on this topic, fill out the form below. If you would like to comment directly to one person, you may click on the envelope next to the posters name if they provided their email.